somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
