Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
