About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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