dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
