A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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