I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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