I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
