my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
