I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
