My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
