Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
