Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
