He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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