I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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