We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize