Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the condom got lost in my hair
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
