I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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