He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
