What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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