My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
