He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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