I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
