omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
