So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
