I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
