Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
