Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
nutella sex= disaster
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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