Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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