i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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