walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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