addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
as a side note pls kill me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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