I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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