My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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