why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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