if you like me you must not know who I am
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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