I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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