She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize