It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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