my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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