he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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