good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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