i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
