I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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