I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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