you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
