dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
