I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize