she was so not down for the gang bang
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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