I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
