I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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