Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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