Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize