We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
