I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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