How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
