I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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