from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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