btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
