Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
