It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
