the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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