im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
