What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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