the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
