I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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