I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
