He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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