I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
